My mom and dad meet and feel in love
I was born May 12 1971. I had a big sister that was born in May 29 1970. Yikes yep we are not even a year apart in age.
I didn't see a lot of my dad and was missing him like crazy. Life was hard for us living with my single mom who didn't have any financial help from my dad. Thank god I had amazing grandparents. My grandma and grandpa took care of us while my mom worked. I learned love and respect from them. My grandpa was my hero. He filled that gap from not having my dad around. If it wasn't for them and all they did to love and teach us I have no idea were I would be right now. 
In 1981 at ten years old my life was turned upside down again. My dad lost his fight with depression and shot himself and died hours later. I remember that night I was woken up to a living room filled with my dad's brother and sisters. I don't remember what was said, it all became a blur. In ways I'm not sure I understood I was lost and shut down. I remember at the funeral my little sister asking me why I wasn't crying for my dad.
As I got older I saw little of my little brothers and sisters and my grandparent were dealing with getting older and strokes and could no longer look after two children. We became latch key kids. My mom was at her limit and to be honest I have no idea how she did it. She was working a nine to five job, and going every night to take care of my grandparents and fixing them dinner and then coming home and taking care of me and my sister. At a young age I had to grow up and help take care of things. If I wanted new cloths I needed to earn the money myself. I was an amazing babysitter and I also at one time was selling candy door to door until my mom found out the places the company was going and without supervision. My big sister started acting out and getting into a lot of trouble. I remember trying to keep her out of trouble or keeping my mom from finding out because I didn't want her to stress out or I didn't want to see her crying agin. When I turned 15 I was getting tired of being the good girl and all the responsabiliny on my shoulder was too much, I started acting out and hanging with people I shouldn't have.
One day when in school I was called out of class. My mom was there because my sister got into some trouble again. My mom was stressed to the breaking point and we were headed down hill. We were pulled out of school, we sold our house and moved in with my moms older brother and his family. I was heart broken to leave my friends and my new boy friend and move from Kearns to Layton Utah. It was the best thing in end. I graduated from Davis High in 1990. 
My mom, sister and I moved to our own place in Layton. I got a job at Smilth in Farmington as a bager. This is were I feel in love. It was Halloween and I dressed up as a cat for work. Chris walked in and recognized me from school and we started talking. He invited me to his house for a Halloween party. We dated for a year and got married. We were both going to school at weber state so we stayed living with his parents in the basement in Farmington. Life was good and I was happy. I loved my In Laws but I wanted so much to have our own place. Chris was in a popular band back then was very busy. I got pregnant which was a big surprise but I was happy and Chris was worried and not sure it was time. When I lost the baby a few months later I was devastated. I turned off for a while because I was hurting so much. I became bitter because I felt like everyone was relieved and I mourned for a long time. Our marriage went down hill for many reasons, but in the end I feel we were just too young and wanted different things. We were divorced five years after we were married.
At first I was all about starting over and ready to start making my dreams come true. I started collage again and moved into my own place. Chris and I after the divorce built a friendship and he helped me a lot. We both moved on with our lives in peace.
Life got hard working, school, and being lonly. I started dating and had a few interesting dates. To make a long story short I got into a relationship with a new member of the LDS church that my friends and family loved. But it turned out to be a night mare, He became a crazy man and became possessive. He started drinking and soon after using drugs. He moved in with me even though I didn't want him to because I was dreaming of the temple. I was scared to say no because of the threats and control he had on me. I know a lot of people wonder why girls stay and put up with that but until your in that situation and not only is your life being threatened but so is your family's you will do a lot you never thought you would. I had so many people trying to help me get out and away. My ex Chris and his girlfriend, and my Moms neighbor both tried helping me and faced the monster but I was scared for them. I remember after Chris called the cops on him Chris showed up pleading with me to get out. I was mortified!!! After he left I was forced into my car and was told to drive to Chris house. He was crazy and was threading Chris life and mine but there was no way I was going to show him were he lived. He made me drive for hours trying every way he could to show him were he was at. Oh boy I paid for it.
After a year of living in hell I was at a point I didn't care about my life the way it was and I decided I couldn't live like that any longer. I was getting out dead or alive but I was done. I faced off with him and he walked away hours later after he destroyed my house and everything in it.
After that I was afraid to be alone for fear he would come back. I jumped from relationship to relationship until I meat Jubal. He had four kids and I feel in love with them. At one point he needed someone to be with his kids at night while he worked. I moved in and started a family I wanted so bad. After two years dating we got married and we were a real family.
Life was good.
I had these beautiful kids in my life that I got to help raise.
I loved watching them grow up into adults. It wasn't always easy but it was worth it.
We had a rocky road in our marriage. Jubal was harder and harder to deal with. His kids were in and out because of his treatment. He was a bully and loved putting people down and making them out to be stupid. He was always ready for a fight and one step ahead of anyone out to get him. I was working and coming home and making dinner for the family and hiding the rest of the night in my room. The drinking and the verbal abuse was too much, I left him and moved in with my sister. He let me take the youngest on some weekends and keep asking me to come back. After agreeing to counseling we got back together. We went to Emel Harker in Layton and I learned so much with him. After ten sessions we could no longer aford the cost and quit going. Things were better and we were both trying but that only lasted so long. The verbal abuse started again and his addiction to porn growing stronger. He would come home from work and go to the man cave and get on his computer and was on all night until I was in bed and asleep did he finly go to bed. This was an ongoing thing every night for a year. It was sad that his kids knew about it and was always joking about it. His drinking got worse and I had enough. We decided it was time to go our own way but he wanted me to stay a little while longer to help with bills. I didn't want to go because i knew when I did it would be the last I would see of my step daughter Hanna. I went forward and got the divorce papers singed and was in the waiting period when Jubal came home drunk and ended up later that night pointing a gun at his son and his sons friends. He served a month in jail while I took care of the house, bills and Hanna. The day he got out he packed his and Hanna's things and moved in with his girl friend and left me with all the problems. It was also the last time I would see Hanna.
So here we are today well over a year after my divorce and I'm now in a place I'm starting over and learning so much about myself and what I want. I'm missing the kids and feeling like I was just the one of many that have been in and out of their lives. I in no way want to continue the cycle that I started so here I am now still not with anyone or any motivation to try. I'm concentrating on me and what I need. Now instead of trying to have all the things I want and do all the things I want to do I have god to show me what he wants for me and were I am to go from here.
So it's Just My life and Loving it.
